Wow.
So I will fully admit that I am overjoyed when people mistake me for someone younger, but at the core of everything is the awe that I feel that I'm here.
I've had incredible highs, demoralizing lows, and low expectations on making it this far. I've had 10 additional years past my own expectations, and now that I'm here it feels like I'm just getting started.
This year has been especially enheartening. I enjoyed a couple of months without Crohn's-related bleeding. I have had more energy and I've been using that energy build strength and stamina as best I can. My health, as always, is worse in some areas, less awful in others. And I do my best to take advantage of every good day.
Coming into age 40 has brought some empowering experiences & shifts.
So here is some of what I've learned, and what I wish I had known earlier:
• People care so much less about anything you do, or wear, or look like than it seems. The only person's story where you are scrutinized like a main character is your own.
• You can be kind and have intense disagreements. You can be kind without being passive or 'keeping the peace'. Be difficult!
• Take pictures. Take all of the pictures. People lose memories as they age - this is nearly universal. Take pictures of the people you love - on good days and bad. Their value extends beyond the person taking the photo. Sometimes we are gentler when we see ourselves through someone else's lens.
• You are never too old. For almost anything. I mean, be an adult & honour responsibilities, but there is no age limit for fun, or interesting, or challenging. You want to dye your hair fun colours? No age limit to do that. Want to get a tattoo? Explore options! Want to join a league? Join it! It doesn't matter if you're the oldest person in the room - there is space for everyone to do exactly what they love, no matter their age. So just do the things that make you happy as long as it doesn't hurt others.
• There are all different kinds and levels of friendship and ways to be a friend. You have control over who does and does not get access to your life (and how much access each friend gets), and there does not have to be any malice or ill-intent when friendships end, drift, or change.
• We all do stupid and cringe shit when we are in our 20s. Really there's no age limit for that either, but we get better at understanding what is just cringe vs what is actually toxic, harmful, destructive, or just plain stupid. Don't let past choices, thoughts, or actions keep you up at night. You can't change them. And if there's something that does keep you up to the point where you feel like you need to apologize, there's no time limit on that either. A 20-year-late apology is still an apology, and whether you're forgiven or not, you might sleep better knowing that you've sincerely done so. Acknowledge the mistake and also acknowledge the growth. None of us are exactly the same as we were in very early adulthood.
• There is an art to just giving less of a shit. And, obviously, a great freedom in it too.
• Sometimes awful people seem the nicest. And sometimes the best people seem unapproachable or cold. Don't conflate people's good deeds with good intentions. Fundamentally good people do evil things sometimes, and fundamentally evil people do good things sometimes. People are complicated.
I will not begrudge the lines on my face. Those lines are happiness etched in.
I may complain about life's surprises that go along with getting older (as we all do), but I will never forget what a joy and privilege it is to do so.
I will continue to grow and learn and thrive as best I can for as long as I can. I will suffer through difficult years and relish the better ones. I will remember that everything is temporary and take stock of the best parts. And pictures!
This is my 40.
