Alright, so today was the day.
If you have been following along at all, you'd know that I have been probably uncharacteristically nervous about this appointment.
I mean, it is a needle going straight into my spine -> into the small space of the SI joint. Actually, two needles. One for the freezing and one for the cortisone itself.
Into my inflamed, damaged, eroding, SI joint.
Before the appointment I had spoken to my doctor and a nurse about taking a specific medication that acts as a relaxant and very slight sedation because of how utterly terrified I was for this procedure. I was told to arrive about half an hour early so that I could take that medication in the clinic itself before the procedure. I arrived early (as always) and explained to the receptionist WHY I was so early and that I had to take the medication yet.
I sat down, started filling in the form regarding allergies, negative reactions, and history, but before I was even halfway through the first page, my name was called.
Now, normally I am more than okay with being called back early. Really, who complains about their appointment being finished early? They got me in immediately -> the one time that I truly needed that extra 30 minutes to mentally prepare myself.
The moment before my name was called was when I was able to swallow back my medication.
Then I was taken back into a room to discuss the rest of the form. She quickly rushed through the 'possible complications' and the post-procedural instructions (which I had to write down because I would not receive a copy after signing it), and then I sat in another chair. Within 45 seconds I was called into the room.
Let me explain some of this.
I was petrified.
I wasn't just a 'little bit nervous'.
I kept envisioning that needle being inserted into the most painful part of my body. I kept imagining a 3" long needle being inserted into my spine - my inflamed and damaged joint.
Essentially - I was completely stressing myself out.
So I get in the room and IMMEDIATELY burst into tears. Like a total wuss. I explained that I was incredibly nervous and that I would likely cry through the entire thing.
My pills would evidently not even kick in before these needles and I NEEDED more time to mentally prepare, but I would not get it. The tech was so shocked at my fear that we just avoided eye contact and did not talk much at all... I was instructed to lie face down on the table, I took a breath, and the doctor came in.
I reiterated my apprehension and that I was very scared, and they kind of just chuckled. I tried making jokes:
• that I do three sub-q injections a week, so why am I so scared for this?
• I used to get scopes without any sedation at all, so this should be nothing?
• People get these injections all the time, and everyone says it's a piece of cake...
But here is the truth:
As embarrassing as it is to admit, I needed a little more figurative 'hand-holding' today than I got.
I needed that extra time in the waiting room from being so early to prepare myself.
I needed someone to tell me the TRUTH that it DOES hurt and that I am justified in being nervous.
It hurt.
A lot.
The freezing hurt but the cortisone injection itself hurt more than anticipated. Actually, that's not quite true, it hurt about the exact amount that I was concerned it would. The pressure and pain shot out through to the edge of my right hip and through the right side of my pelvis. It was that deep internal joint and bone pain that we are not supposed to be able to feel. The depth of that pressure made me nauseous. The pain was unpleasant, to say the least and the injection itself was much slower than I had anticipated... mostly because no one really discussed the process much with me. Oh and the medication I took to help me relax and help me to endure the appointment - it didn't kick in until after it was over and I was on my way home.
But here's the thing - it wasn't as bad as a lot of other procedures and injections I have had before. I would prefer this procedure over many others. Next week when I go to get the left SI joint done (they had to do the right one first, apparently), I will be much more prepared. I will be mentally and physically prepared, and I will know what to expect from the clinic itself. I will expect to be one of a long list of patients getting the same thing done. I will expect minimal talking and virtually no reassurance.
What was missing today was compassion mostly. I fully admit that I was a wuss. I was even irrationally terrified. I understand that I was probably one of a hundred patients having this done today - that this doctor does these injections a hundred times a day. This is an every day occurrence for them.
For me, however, it was my first time.
A needle into my gd spine.
All I wanted was to be able to take a breath and not be rushed through something I was so incredibly stressed out about.
(Let's not forget that when I get too stressed out, I run the risk of having a major swelling episode. Yeah, that concern did not help my uncontrollable weeping. Seriously).
So, if you have Ankylosing Spondylitis and you are contemplating having Cortisone injections into your SI joint -
1. Yes, tons of people get this done all the time. It is a relatively simple procedure and is performed on a regular basis.
2. It is painful. Not horrendously painful, not so bad that you need to be sedated, but enough that you might be gripping the pillow and breathing through the process. It is a needle all the way into your most painful joint... that alone should provide evidence enough of pain.
3. You will be sore afterwards. Some people experience soreness for a few days, but some people also experience relief almost immediately from the actual inflammation. It varies, but expect to be a little sore, just in case.
4. If you are scared - you are not the only one. I was blubbering like a damn child today. Don't allow anyone to make you feel ashamed for being scared of a NEEDLE GOING INTO YOUR JOINT.
5. I guarantee most of you will handle it better than I did my first time.
Next Friday, Friday the 13th as it were, will be my second injection - into my left SI joint. At least I will know what to expect. Hopefully I will experience some relief. And I will make sure to take my medication before I even arrive. Just to be on the safe side.
Tonight, because I am a bit bummed, and sore, I plan on ordering in, lying in bed, and cuddling my puppy for the rest of the night.
Tomorrow will be a better day. :)
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