Volleyball.
Volleyball for me was always on par with, and often above, my love for music. The moment I touched that damn ball I was hooked. I played all through junior high on both school and city club teams as well as attending camps through the summers. I was pretty damn good and had a wicked vertical: I played middle.
In grade eight I was pulled out of practice one day by a University talent scout. I was asked if I had given any thought to where I may want to attend University (I hadn't... I was 13 years old and literally just trying to survive each school day). That scout was a representative for both U of M and UBC, so I was encouraged to give it some real thought.
The next year is when I first got sick, though I still played school and city club ball. For grade 10 I was in hospital during tryouts, so I didn't play school ball. Then grade 11 came, and even though I was incredibly nervous, I attended tryouts. This was not easy. Firstly, I hadn't played school ball in a year and was terrified I'd be too rusty and would make a complete ass of myself. Secondly, it was made inescapably clear by the other girls that I was not welcome. It didn't matter that I had played every sport - in and out of school - with these girls the previous four years. When I showed up they huddled together, turned their backs, and pretended that I did not exist. Like children - pretending I was invisible.
But I did exist.
And I made the senior team, playing middle - at 5'7" I was the shortest middle in the league.
Well, that year was incredible - even though I ended up hospitalized after every single tournament. My name was in the local newspaper regularly, I got to visit the UBC campus, compete in international tournaments, and by mid-late season I was a starting middle. I was, again, approached by scouts. I was told that I would be getting multiple offers in my senior year and that I would essentially have my choice of schools for full-ride volleyball scholarships. (I had my heart set on UBC by this point).
By the end of the season I was at an all-time high. Even Coach told me to keep my jersey over the summer for the following year instead of returning it like everyone else.
Then August came and my body had other plans. I had emergency open abdominal surgery to remove my large intestine. This meant a lot of different struggles, but a big one was that I couldn't play volleyball. My senior year, with prospective scholarship offers, and my ticket to get outta dodge and play the game I loved so much, was gone. On the first day of school I reluctantly handed in my jersey (number 9),with some tears.
So I pivoted and focused, as best I could, on academia and music.
That year was tough. I had a temporary ostomy, I got mono that year, had my second abdominal surgery a month before graduation, and had developed problems with my pancreas, liver, and thyroid, along with some particularly nasty side effects from Prednisone. After the second surgery I was technically 'cured' of Ulcerative Colitis, but it only took a few months to then be diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. Not like high school isn't already tough enough, right?
It was obvious by then that I would have to stay closer to home after graduating - which in and of itself a question mark because of my health.
I did receive several academic scholarships to the local University, so that's where I went. Unfortunately, that school did not have a volleyball team. So I focused on a combined degree with double majors: Music and Psychology.
I could have gone to the local college instead and tried out for their team, but I was realizing that the high level of competition might not be physically attainable, and I had my sights set on a more reputable education if I couldn't play ball. So I joined some recreational leagues instead, just to keep me on the court. A few years, and a few additional medical conditions, later it was clear that I likely wouldn't have been able to play for long even if I happened to make a college team. My body was simply too unreliable.
I loved University, I loved academia, and I am proud of everything I have been able to attain. I know it's not always good to dwell on past accomplishments - I mean, it was just high school, right? But it is nice sometimes to look back and remember that I must have had something special - I must have had some talent, and no one can take that away from me. At one point in my life I was good enough at something to warrant being scouted by University scouts - starting at age 13! That's pretty damn cool.
It's a major reason why being able to get back into volleyball recently feels like such a huge deal after years of using canes, walkers, and wheelchairs - which I still require sometimes. Volleyball was my second true love - second to music. (My husband, Ryan, takes the cake though - don't worry, after meeting you, you'll always be my top true love) ;).
Life and illness have pushed me in various directions, changed my course, forced me to ride the wave instead of fight against it and I don't regret it, but I do miss it. I also wonder how different my life may have been had it not changed course when it did, or at all. I'm lucky enough to be truly happy, so my wondering never feels like regret or depressed longing, just curiosity and imagination. And I will always have those years that I played, when it felt like I had an entire world of opportunity ahead.
If you've never truly loved a sport, hobby, or activity, this entire post will likely seem borderline idiotic... but if you have, then you know what it might feel like to have it, then lose it, then have it, then lose it again, then be able to come back to it years down the road.
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