Defining Who We Are

"All of a sudden you find yourself not defined by what you do but rather by what you don't do".

The idea that instead of focusing on what we are doing right now, we focus on all of the things we wanted to do - we set out to do - and didn't.

I am completely guilty of often dwelling on everything I used to be able to do, like carrying my own piano and sound equipment, playing volleyball and softball, working, teaching, going out with friends on a weekly basis, hosting several Food Parties a year, running, working out, practicing yoga weekly (if not daily), singing on stage...

Somehow I have let myself be defined by who I used to be.
Although it crushes me to think that no one I have met within the past few years would categorize me as an athlete, it is the truth.
I am no longer an athlete.
Not because I no longer have athletic ability, but because my physical illnesses prevent me from being the athlete I was.
In my mind I am still an athlete... just a retired one.

So now let's focus and define myself with what I CAN do.
I can play and walk Dex - slowly, and on short trips, but I can still do it.
I can sing.
I can play piano.
I can kayak.
I can camp.
I can go for short little bike rides.
I can try rollerblading in the summer and maybe try cross-country skiing in the winter.
I can swim.
I can cook.
I can still do laundry and do some cooking.
I can read.
I can write.
I can do a tiny bit of yoga (about 5 minutes every few days - maybe 15 mins on a really good day).
I can still see friends and go for dinner the odd time.
I can do a Food Party about once a year.
I can be a fiancée, and soon, a wife.

Maybe I should learn to let go of who I used to be and embrace who I am and what I can do now.

Easier said than done but here's to trying.