The Five Stages of Weaning

Over the years, I have had to change medications countless times, often weaning one and adding another, sometimes only weaning, or simply adding medications. 

It is always a rollercoaster ride as my body attempts to understand the changes in symptoms, in what to expect, and always tends to fight me. 

I mean, my body has been fighting itself for so long, my immune system believes that most of my organs are imposters and it does whatever it can to rid me of those organs (and has succeeded in a few cases). So when I try to fight back and tell my misinformed immune system that these organs are supposed to be there, it usually revolts for a few days before settling just a little bit. 

I am currently weaning off of a medication, and have been doing so over the past year. My dose has been marginally lowered every month or two. 

This process has been shown to have a pretty telltale pattern, similar to the five stages of grief. 

Stage 1. Denial

The first day tends to feel okay. Not until late night does my body seem to realize that something is missing. It pretends that the inflammation it had been able to ignore for the past while is an apparition. 

Stage 2. Pain

Days 2 through 10, sometimes longer, result in a huge spike of pain. It is as though my body finally remembers that there is an organ or joint there. Or my immune system remembers that there is an imposter in my body and springs into action, causing inflammation, pain, cramping, and a resurgence of awful symptoms with a force to be reckoned with. This spike in pain and symptoms also results in great fatigue, lack of appetite, but severe insomnia. 

Stage 3. Mood Swings

This stage also begins by the 3rd day, and usually only lasts for a day or two, but has been known to last up to a week. These are brutal. They can range from bawling my eyes out at a toothpaste commercial to screaming into my pillow because I accidentally left clothing in the dryer overnight without folding it. In essence: irrational and severe mood swings. It feels as though my annoyance can be triggered by the smallest thing. These are days I try to hole myself up in the bedroom and ignore the outside world, only to protect everyone else from the chance of being screamed at for no reason. 

Stage 4. Energy

Once my mood swings are settled and the pain spike has passed its peak, I often begin to feel like I have more energy. The great thing about flare-ups is that they get SO BAD that when I finally come out the other side, everything seems a little bit better & brighter. Suddenly I will have a little extra motivation, which puts me in an especially wonderful mood. 

Stage 5. Acceptance

This is when my body and my immune system finally settle to the level before the drop in dosage. That's not to say that the symptoms are better than they were, more that they have settled to the about same level (or only slightly worse) just without the extra dose. 

Then we start the cycle all over again. 

Today is the emotional stage. I cried because there was a baby bunny left just outside our yard, and then felt like screaming when I ran my bath too hot. 

Yep. 

Cried. 

Like shuddering crying. 

Please pray for my husband.