I think one of the toughest parts of any illness or disability is having to rely on others. The loss of independence is a huge hit. It is not something you can mentally prepare for. The most independent of people are caught off guard even more. It is more than frustrating - it is damn devastating.
It is devastating to accept the fact that you cannot do everything on your own.
Coming from a girl who desperately clung to her independence, even while severely ill, for so long - backpacking through Europe alone in between Remicade infusions, loving living alone, going to the ER countless times alone, dealing with all of the nitty gritty disgusting and embarrassing symptoms ultimately alone - losing independence is brutal, no matter how slowly.
Those moments where you have your dog help you pull yourself up from the bathroom floor just to call 911. Those moments when you ask acquaintances for help and they say 'no' because they are out partying. These are the sobering moments of illness that remind you that you have to be strong enough to deal with it all yourself.
But there is a silver lining. There is always a silver lining...somewhere.
Through these devastating losses of independence, your true family will step up to help. I have been exceptionally fortunate in my group of friends and family. I have the wonderful luxury of knowing that if I need help and ask for it, I have a list of people who would step up however they can. I have a spouse who understands my abhorrence for needing help to do some of the simplest of things. I have family who go above and beyond every single day.
The Lighter Side of: Reliance is that through loss, you find the people on whom you can rely. You find these gems in your existence who are not only supportive on social media and are your biggest fans, but people who understand you, who understand what you need, and who lend more than just a helping hand when you finally break down and ask.
It is never going to be perfect. People - even the best of them - will let you down in one way or another, and sometimes you may have to remind them that it kills you to have to rely on them, but they will come through.
Losing independence means a simultaneous loss and gain of friendships. I am proud to be surrounded by people who are thoughtful, genuine, kind, compassionate, understanding, and just upstanding people.
