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Friday, 17 March 2023

Living With Severe Body Fluctuations

I JUST wrote about body shaming and how it affects and is affected by chronic illness. 
One of the main themes about having some of the illnesses that I have and some of the medications that I take is that my body changes - severely - depending on various factors. If my medication is wrong (especially for my Hashimoto's), I can either lose or gain a ton of weight in a short amount of time. Then add in the body swelling disorder and things change even more. That doesn't even cover the multitude of dietary changes I have to go through regularly due to my Inflammatory Bowel Disease. 

Below are a few pictures of when my medication has been really wrong. 
Below that are pictures of when my medication was *mostly* right and my illnesses that affect my body size were relatively well-controlled. 

In the most horribly under-weight photo, at the time I was eating anything and everything I could to gain weight. I was on a 3000-4000 calorie/day diet - with tons of good fats and proteins. But it didn't matter. Why? Because my medication was wrong. My Hashimoto's was out of control and we didn't know. I had zero control over my weight. 
In the most over-weight photo (which was taken today), I was off of my swelling medication for several months, which has caused a ton of swelling, and my Hashimoto's has started to go off the other way. I am back on my meds for the swelling, but it could take months to gain back some control over my body weight. As of today I have been on a mostly fluid diet for the past 7 weeks due to Crohn's Disease, eating as much as I can to get all the nutrients I need, but lacking in caloric intake (inevitably). It doesn't matter. The swelling and the weight gain are entirely out of my control. I have to wait - likely months - before my body feels like mine again. 

It's totally normal for bodies to fluctuate. When my medications are right and I have control over my body weight and size, I fluctuate within about 10-15 lbs over a year. That's with keeping a steady diet, a steady level of activity, etc... 

When my medications are wrong, though, and I no longer have control over how my body looks and behaves, I can fluctuate 30-50lbs within a year. That's also with keeping a steady diet and steady level of activity, etc... 

Body size and weight fluctuations aren't exactly the most important of the symptoms that I have to deal with, but it can be extremely bothersome. SO much money is spent each year for new clothing. Thank goodness thrifting is now trendy! It means that my closet is constantly overfilled because I have to keep basic items in multiple sizes. There are the stretch marks that show up, the stretched out skin, the changes in skin quality, pain and tenderness in swelled tissues, clothing that might fit one day and then are ripping at the seams the very next day. Then there's the mental toll that these changes take. Even though I KNOW I have no control, it's hard to resist the urge to either binge-eat (if I am underweight) or to crash diet (if I am overweight). 

I see my doctors regularly, I am closely monitored, and I get bloodwork on a regular basis. Still, these diseases wreak havoc on the body - inside and out. 



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