Don't let anyone fool you - no one is 100% happy.
In my opinion, once you reach around the 75% mark, you begin to get so terrified of losing everything, that even if every single thing in your life IS perfect, there is still that tiny voice that is reminding you to appreciate it... just in case.
Happiness also takes work. Work and dedication: dedication to your own thoughts, dedication to try and take control of your own feelings, and dedication to self-talk.
I have not suffered from any kind of severe mental illness or depression. I have, however, experience depression as a product of illness.
I would say that 99% of the time, I wake up happy every single day.
Every day.
I am happy to be alive and I have things I look forward to, I have people around me that I care about and a puppy who is always adorable - even when he is being bratty.
This happiness, however, isn't always something that just happens. It takes work and time and practice. And it will be different for every single person.
Here are my 15 habits that help me to be happy:
1. At my worst times, I write down one thing every single day that is positive. If I am angry and sicker and terrified and cannot seem to find anything to be joyful about, I focus on tiny little things, or constant things. If it has rained - I write down that I loved the smell of the grass after rain. I write down how beautiful the stars are. I write down the fact that lots of clouds is ironically matching my mood and how neat that is.
2. I actively engage in positive self-talk. Believe me, there's a lot of negative self-talk in my head every day, but I focus on turning up the volume of my positive self-talk. For everything I am upset about, I try to find a good thing to come from it. (Like yesterday when I was having a bad day and wound up mistakenly paying an extra $45 on fuel and then forgot to fill up. I was right ticked off and even emotional. But I wasn't willing to deal with that situation anymore... so I decided that I probably paid for someone else's full tank, and that the worst part of my day might just be the best part of someone else's day. An involuntary pay-it-forward moment, and it helped me to feel better about what had happened).
3. I vent. I vent in my journal. I vent with friends and family. If I am angry about something specific, I write down everything I am angry about and why. This gets it out on paper - out of my head - and helps me think clearly later. I put it somewhere where it won't be read or bite me in the ass. If it is a large issue that I want to bring awareness to, that is when I post my rants online. Mostly it is just to get it out of my head so that I am not carrying around this excess weight.
4. I have a list of activities, movies, shows, music, etc... that help me to feel better. There are go-to activities that I can do at home that can help me to feel better in some capacity.
5. If I am feeling especially sad - emotionally tortured - I allow those tears to well up and I don't hold back. I will give myself an entire day to cry it all out if I have to. Again - this is similar to getting it OUT of my head. Trying to hold it all in and ignoring the problem will just make things worse. Feelings aren't always logical, so you may feel embarrassed or stupid, but you are not. Take time for yourself to allow those feelings envelop you. Try not to engage with anyone or make any decisions - actions have consequences - but letting yourself feel whatever your body is telling you to feel can make all the difference in the world and doesn't have to affect anyone else.
6. Nature. For me, nature is always something that brings me complete serenity. Even when I am in a complete shit-storm of medical issues, a quick drive to a lake for 20 minutes can improve everything. This is MY happy-place, my heaven-on-earth. If nature isn't your thing, maybe it's the beach, or a race track, or animals, or music. Find it.
7. Pets. I tell you, having a puppy lick your tears away as he cuddles with you knowing you're upset, that is love. If you don't own a pet, ask a friend to take theirs for a walk. Go to a pet store and ask to see one of the animals - cuddle and play and pet. If you're unable to leave the house, search for pet videos on youtube and watch for hours. Laughing or smiling really truly helps.
8. Connect with others who are in a similar situation. This one is a little tricky... for me, the groups on FB often make me feel so much worse. Friends who suffer in a similar way, though, can be invaluable. It is nice to have friends who empathize... and you can organize a system where if they need to vent they can call you and vice versa. Just knowing that someone else understands, is willing to listen, and someone you can totally trust with any information is there, it may not get you out of the funk, but it may help. A non-judgmental friend therapy session that doesn't feel like 'going to therapy'.
9. Watch trash tv. Seriously. The real or fake drama from reality tv and talk shows where the guests are constantly trying to kill each other can be strangely therapeutic. It can often help to put your own drama into perspective - to know that even though your life may be in shambles, there are people out there completely oblivious and experiencing drama that makes zero sense.
10. Avoid too much social media.
I can't tell you how many times I have gotten trapped in the cycle of social media. If I read too much bad news, from everywhere around the world that I can't do anything about, it only makes me worried and more upset about the world around me. Further to that, the more you read about controversies, murders, and natural disasters, the more you'll see on those topics. Stop reading about disasters that are occurring in places you have no control over - if you are feeling down. It will only dampen your mood further.
As an extra aside, the more videos and stories you 'like' or 'follow' that are positive, the more you will see. So while I am scrolling through social media, for every negative story or picture I pay attention to, I purposely share and like 2 stories that are cute, funny, happy, or inspirational.
11. Treat your awful situations as a comedic sitcom. Make fun of yourself and your illness. I have a super morbid sense of humour, so every time something terrible and embarrassing occurs that can ruin entire weeks, I try to imagine it happening to someone else on a popular sitcom. Like in Bridesmaids when they all get food poisoning and have accidents in a bridal salon. That was absolutely hilarious. So my life as a sitcom could be just as hilarious if I can picture it that way in my mind.
12. If my anger and sadness isn't subsiding, I purposely search out stories about others who have it worse. People who are suffering more than I am. People who struggle but still fight every single day - like me - who have even more of a reason to be depressed but who are hanging on. Then I might even borrow some of their coping strategies -> they will definitely have an arsenal of effective coping mechanisms.
13. Do something productive. Start on a project you have been meaning to start. Finish one you've had on the go. Write - read - craft - build - keep yourself moving and distracted.
14. If you really truly have no desire AT all to do anything, watch anything, write anything, or talk to anyone - sleep. Sometimes you just need a few days. Tell someone who cares about you that you are going to hide away and become a hermit for a few days. Eat comfort food and cry and huddle under the blankets. Make a pillow and blanket fort and shut yourself away - just until you feel some sort if motivation, like hunger. But always make sure somebody knows, so that they can check on you if need be.
15. Take a breath.
Acknowledge that your situation is really really tough. Remind yourself that you have every right to be disappointed, frustrated, angry, and lost. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling sad. Then, take a breath, and focus on parts of your life you appreciate.
For me, I tell myself every single day how lucky I am to be in love, to have supportive friends and family, to have incredible relationships with people and animals. I appreciate the roof over my head, for Universal Healthcare, for doctors who have worked tireless to help me over the years. I appreciate that I do not yet have to use a wheelchair, that symptoms from other illnesses are not as bad as they have been at other times... I make lists of appreciation.
Being happy every single day is not something that comes easily - for anyone. For those people who suffer from illness, whether mild and temporary or chronic and severe, we have lots of obvious reasons to feel depressed. The point isn't to pretend that you're happy and ignoring everything that seems to go wrong, but to find something each day you are happy about - despite your illness, because of your illness, with your illness.
And lastly - find humour that fits you, makes sense, and allows you to laugh at your situation.
The more dedication you put into your own personal happiness, the more you practice you put into finding happiness in every day situations, the easier it will be. It becomes a routine. It becomes a ritual. It becomes real. Knowing that it isn't wrong to feel sad, but practicing the conscious effort to search out the good, you can let go a little.
Then, suddenly, you find yourself waking up every day feeling happy. Not because your life is perfect, but because your life is yours and you get to dictate how you visualize and think about the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment