Today I want to speak about pain.
The reason we have various types of pain scales and descriptions for pain is because of the ultimate subjectivity of pain. Pain is relative to one's own individual experience.
If someone has never had a headache before and, after 20 years, has his/her first headache ever, it may seem to feel like an 8/10 pain.
If you take another person with the same level of headache who has dealt with severe migraines for 20 years, this headache would be described as a 2/10.
Pain
Most people have experienced varying levels of pain. Blood test needles, vaccination injections, a headache, a toothache, a stomach ache from a flu, food poisoning, choking on water swallowed too quickly, a sprained wrist or ankle, a pulled or cramped muscle, menstrual cramps.
We know what pain is like. At least we know what certain types of pain are like.
There are certain types of pain that can be ignored. We can distract ourselves entirely from the pain and forget about it. A slight headache can be ignored. Pain from an injection subsides and goes away. These pains we know are temporary, and just knowing that they go away can also help us ignore them.
I have - unfortunately - spent quite a bit of time in waiting rooms, in doctor's offices, in emergency rooms and urgent care clinics.
Although I am not as exposed as people who actually work in the medical field, I do tend to see what people look like and seem like when they are in pain.
Guess what?
Each person looks completely different - even if they are experiencing the exact same type of pain.
This is such a common theme in so many posts about chronic illness, you would think people would understand by now. Every single person is different.
So here is a personal pet peeve of mine:
I hear - in all of these waiting rooms and when speaking with others about pain and symptoms - "if you were ________, then you couldn't have been in that much pain."
Some variations include:
• if you weren't bursting into tears you couldn't have been in that much pain.
• if you were making jokes, you couldn't have been in that much pain.
• if you were still at work, you couldn't have been in that much pain.
• if you did not feel at all suicidal, you couldn't have been in that much pain.
• if you remained conscious, you couldn't have been in that much pain.
• if you were not delirious, you couldn't have been in that much pain.
• if you weren't demanding medication, you couldn't have been in that much pain.
Here is the problem - we all react to absolutely everything just a little bit differently.
On my absolute worst days - in an ambulance, completely terrified, in excruciating pain to the point where I kept telling my husband that I wanted to be knocked unconscious until I had pain relief. I cannot even explain the magnitude of that statement coming from me because you don't really know me or what I have already experienced. However, even in this scenario, I was still making stupid jokes all the way to the hospital. I was laughing in between bursts of tears and silent moans.
I have witnessed people on the verge of their appendix bursting, walking around, taking selfies at the hospital, joking around with their friends, and fixing their hair and makeup. The surgeon is standing there trying to hurry her onto the gurney to get her up to surgery before it bursts, and she is deciding which stuffed animal to carry with her. Laughing, smiling, looking more comfortable than I was, and I wasn't even there for myself!
Have you ever seen the terminal ward in a pediatric hospital?
It sounds quite depressing, but it is actually more uplifting and inspiring than expected. I specifically remember this one girl. She had weeks left. Weeks. She did not want heavy pain medication because it affected her mental state - and she wanted to have fun. There is no denying that she was in pain, more pain than I can likely imagine.
What was she doing? She was racing with her friends. She would take a running start with her IV pole, jump on it, and let it roll as far as it could go. Every time she would fly off of that IV pole and her IV would rip out of her hand. The nurse would go running after her to put her IV line back in.
There is this idea, this misconception, that you have to show all pain in some physical form. It has to be seen on your face or on the outside of your body to be considered 'real'. But look at some of those people who are in life-threatening pain, having fun. Some people just do not show their pain to others.
Just like grief - sometimes it is simply not visible. That NEVER means that the person is not suffering in a severely physical sense, it just means that they are more reserved.
There are many reasons why people do not follow the above 'criteria' of showing their pain. We need to stop comparing physical appearance with pain levels.
