I have mentioned quite a bit that my body tends to have a delayed reaction.
I am not sure why this happens... maybe it is adrenaline-related or perhaps it is similar to what happens after we work out vigorously. Whatever the exact physiological reason, after a very busy day, it is not the very next day that is the worst. It is mostly two days after the busy day that is torturous.
During this calm day before the storm that my body brings, it is difficult not to get excited or to be optimistic. Even further than that - it is easy to begin second-guessing things.
Today is a 'calm before the storm' kind of day. I actually feel pretty well today. I am able to do most of my usual daily chores and things and I am not curled up in the fetal position. That doesn't mean that the storm isn't brewing.
Earlier today it made me wonder if maybe I am simply improving. Or maybe it won't affect me as badly this time. Then it makes me wonder if maybe I am doing less than I could be.
All of these second-guesses run through my mind. All of these doubts.
But then it starts.
This part I find fascinating.
The pain isn't quite here yet. I am not doubled over in pain... but the storm is coming. My bathroom breaks are more frequent, and worse. My intestines are starting to shut down - angry with me but not boiling over yet. My body is crashing from the inside out. I only have a few symptoms, and they begin subtly and even some dull pains.
But it's coming.
Tomorrow might feel like torture.
Tomorrow may very well send me to the hospital.
What's worse is I don't know and I can't do anything about it. I can't change it. I can't stop it. I wait around and just hope it isn't too awful.
Good thing I am getting done what I NEED to today so that if I am stuck in bed for most of tomorrow or doing extra injections and trying to avoid the hospital, there is nothing I am really required to do.
Whan you know the storm is coming and there is nothing you can do about it, how do you stay relaxed?
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