It turns out that I have had a simple symptom for YEARS that I never knew was a symptom.
Over the years, with any singing competition or performance, for whatever reason I would often wake up and not be able to control my voice as much. I used to describe it as 'my voice just isn't working today'. It was almost as if I had developed a cold overnight that went away the day after any big singing gig. All of a sudden, songs that used to come so easily to me, seemed so much more difficult. I had less control, less power, less range, and had a much tougher time breathing properly in order to pull off phrases or trills like I normally would. My chest voice would suffer, my falsetto would sound much smaller, and I simply could not achieve the openness I am used to on a regular basis.
At first I simply believed it was my nerves getting to me - and it is entirely possible that some instances were primarily nerves. Not every single performance though. Not the performances from the comfort of my own home. Not performances I have done time and time again.
Now we know why!
Not only that, but it is a relatively easy fix!
It should have struck me a couple of years ago what it really was. It is partially nerves, but not in the same way we think about nerves.
One day, I thought maybe my HAE was acting up. Maybe my nerves are actually affecting the physical openness of my throat because of swelling from Hereditary Angioedema.
So, one day, I decided to do a home performance on a day where I did my regular prophylactic injection.
Bam.
Total openness. No issues controlling my voice.
The next time I did it the day before my medication.
Awful time with breathing properly and singing with an open voice.
This past weekend I was honoured to sing for the Crohn's Colitis Canada Fun Money Casino Night.
That morning I could feel a slight twinge in my throat and a little bit of tightening. I practiced and did some vocal warmups but nothing helped. So I made the executive decision to do an extra prophylactic treatment that afternoon before the performance.
That was the best my voice has been in ages. Entirely open, easy to control, my regular range, MY VOICE! My voice was normal. I had no surprises, no tightening, no issues breathing or finishing phrases. I was so happy with how I was doing that I did NOT want to stop. I kept on going and going and going until the rest of my body just could not physically take it anymore. I wanted to keep singing for hours more!
If my joints and general energy hadn't kiboshed it, my voice could have lasted for another hour. It was pretty hoarse afterwards and the following day, but not tight.
Then I remembered all of my failed performances - all of the mistakes. I thought of all of the times in University when I felt like I just could not open up my voice anymore, or when I ran out of breath so much faster than normal.
Obviously, like anyone else, some of those mistakes are entirely being too nervous and being unable to focus (like forgetting words, missing a cue, singing the second verse first), but I also wonder if some of the other odd mistakes could have been prevented by a simple injection.
Really interesting!
It is even more interesting to look back on all possible swelling episodes: intestinal, pancreatic, bladder, legs, arms, abdomen, face. Crazy to think of how much could have potentially been explained by this strange blood disorder that I have.