Fearing the Unknown

Here we are - always barreling forward.
Time may heal pains and grief and various other difficulties, but what happens when someone feels skeptical? What happens when we suffer with chronic illnesses that are deemed as progressive?

The fear of the unknown is a widely accepted common fear. With illness, we do not know if or when we will get worse. We do not know if there is a cure or a better treatment down the line that could change something. We do not know how bad it will get. We do not know how much more pain we can handle.
Every day we ask ourselves how on earth we could handle things if they worsened.

The truth, though, is that we can handle most things. Looking at what so so many other people have endured, we can handle more, even if we don't want to. We are stronger when we are forced to take on more; when we have only two choices: to handle it and push forward, or to give up entirely.

The fear of the unknown - or the partially known - with a progressively worsening prognosis - can be quite intimidating.
But what about the unknown positive things that will happen?
Sure we do not know exactly how bad things might become, but we also do not know exactly how good things might become.
There are not many instances in life that are 100% good or 100% bad. It is nearly always a mixture of both. So even if you do have to endure negative experiences - you are also guaranteed some positive experiences. It is a balance. Everything is a balance.

For a quick example - if I had known beforehand that 2015 was going to be as awful as it was health wise, I may have been tempted to give up. Possessing a crystal ball showing me 2015's health complications, no more, no longer, it would seem quite bleak.
Though if I had given up, I would have voluntarily quit before our marriage, before our beautiful home, before new friendships and adventures, before new skills, projects, and the love. I would have missed all of the excessive LOVE.

The fear of the unknown is so very normal. Just remember that everything that is unknown is not necessarily bad. Everything unknown will be a mixture of triumphs and challenges.

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

I don't know about any of you, but I still enjoy writing a list of resolutions.

Well, they're not exactly resolutions per se. They are more like promises: promises to myself most of all.

While my health still continues to slowly decline, I have had much fewer emergency situations over the last year. This wonderfully exciting year.

So my health resolution is to continue as I have been doing. Continue with medications that seem to help keep my illnesses and flare-ups more predictable, continue with treatments and activities that help me build strength and keep me moving without the resulting ER visit. I will continue to advocate for myself and others and to spread awareness and information about illnesses and treatments, as well as try to slow the spread of misinformation and judgement.

My own personal resolution will be to continue finding new things and projects that I enjoy. To always continue to learn, and to listen to my body when it is telling me that I have taken on too much. I will remind myself that I should not feel guilty for oh so many things that I have no reason to feel guilty for in the first place. I will continue to try and do things by-the-book and do my best to feed my curiosity. I will put myself out there artistically regardless of fear or apprehension.

I will try to keep active. I will remind myself daily about how lucky I am. I will spend time meditating and reflecting. I will do my best to ignore those who are disrespectful. I will stand up for my friends and my family should they encounter judgement.

Honestly - my 'resolutions' are all about being grateful and doing my best.
Above all - most importantly - I will try to remain positive as much as possible and be grateful for all that I have experienced and will experience in the future, whether it be blessings or challenges.

❤