We had a pretty fantastic day.
It was a little bitter sweet... but still a great day.
Let me explain.
I had an opportunity to sing downtown for the final day of Stampede. It was such an honour to be there and I have been preparing for it for a while, so (understandably), I was excited and anxious and still quite nervous.
A little too anxious. A touch too nervous.
Suddenly last night my throat started feeling funny. It was slow-progressing, but it wasn't just a sudden onset of a cold or sore throat. This was swelling. For a while it was just a tickle and a bit of pain.... but then my voice was affected, and then my breathing...
The nervous excitement caused a pretty bad HAE swell. It required an extra sub-cutaneous injection, but with that and some additional medication, within a couple of hours the swelling was subsiding, and my throat wasn't overly affected.
Then - with it being the last day of Stampede - both Rj and I really wanted to spend some time on the grounds.
Rj was going no matter what, but I really really wanted to go.
There was only one problem.
There was absolutely no way that I could feasibly walk the grounds - even with my cane. Hell, even with my walker.
So we decided to find out if there was a rental place on the grounds where we could rent a wheelchair.
This wound up being the perfect way for me to enjoy being at Stampede.
I got to see the grounds, got to see the cattle and goats, we played a few games, enjoyed some food, and even managed to see a few of the motorcycle air-acrobatics. Normally, doing all of that while using my walker would still result in 10/10 pain, severe nausea, and most likely a trip to the Emergency Department for an IV treatment. With the wheelchair, however, and with Rj being kind enough to push me in it for the most part, I didn't get distracted by intense pain. I could get up to play a game or two and then rest. I could enjoy the afternoon and rest at the same time.
Obviously this is bitter sweet. It's not like I enjoy knowing how much a wheelchair helps me... that in order to function in certain situations, I actually need it, but having that available made the difference between being stubborn & suffering for it, and letting go of my pride and being in less pain.
It's not an easy thing to know that you can't do something without a wheelchair. That deterioration that we were hoping wouldn't occur until several years down the road. I never thought I would let down my guard and actually agree to use a wheelchair...
But today I am glad that I did.
I am lucky.
I am lucky because I have the option. I can be stubborn and stick to a walker, and then suffer for it later, but I am not bound to a wheelchair. It is not a 24 hour a day reality.
Do I want to have to use a wheelchair to enjoy a day like today?
No.
Am I thrilled that the option was there and that the wheelchair rental was not at all expensive?
Yes.
So today...
I appreciate that I have a medication that stops a throat swell in its tracks so that I can sing.
I am grateful for my family of roadies who always set up my gear so that I can just worry about the sound and singing.
I appreciate using a different chair and trying to reduce the amount of pain in my back and shoulders by changing how I sit when I am singing.
I appreciate that wheelchairs are available to rent and that I can utilize such a tool. I am grateful for Rj who was phenomenal in helping me to enjoy today, who was willing to push me around just so that I could spend an afternoon on the grounds.
Without it and without him there is no way I could have gone on the grounds today. I would have collapsed before getting to the first food truck.
A bitter sweet and yet completely fantastic day.
I still got to sing (even though my throat swelled up last night because I was so anxious).
I still got to go to Stampede (even though I couldn't physically walk it, so I had to use a wheelchair).
There are some pretty big difficulties today that are tough to face, but it made my day better - so why complain? Better to see the Lighter Side of such a great day.
