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Friday, 21 December 2018

Another Partially Sleepless Night

Here I am, lying in bed, essentially staring at the ceiling.

I fell asleep with little to no issue, but woke up just before 3am. This often happens - though it is normally around 4am.
In all likelihood it is because certain medications that cause drowsiness wear off between 4-6 hours after taking them, and we tend to go to bed around 11pm.
So it is logical.

But then I can't always get back to sleep.

Sometimes I will make my way downstairs to do some yoga and meditation, or work on some art projects. Sometimes I will go and watch a movie or something to keep my mind from wandering. Sometimes I will go in the guest bedroom to see if sleep will envelop me in a different bed.
The options are all the same though.
They don't really address the issue.

It's pain. It's restlessness. It's warn off medications and bouts of insomnia. It's nightmares and the odd night terror. It's sleep apnea, sleep paralysis, and hallucinations. It's overheating and overthinking. It's an overactive mind combined with an overactive body. It's that in-between state where I am absolutely exhausted and fatigued but not necessarily sleepy. It's being sleepy but body restless. It is all about being exhausted all of the time, sleeping away most of my days, and yet never feeling rested. It is elusive restful sleeps. Today in particular it's reeling after a really awful nightmare - plus overheating and restlessness.

And the snoring to my right just amplifies my inability to sleep.
With that said, I am very grateful that my common insomnia does not seem to have a negative effect on his sleep. If that were the case I'm sure I would be sleeping in the guest room a lot more often.

So what do you do when you can't sleep but can't quite function either?

If I get up and begin something - a yoga session, reading, painting, writing - I am admitting defeat. When I do these things, I usually wind up staying awake for several hours instead of one or two. Getting up and doing something productive, while it feels good psychologically, it essentially worsens the problem.
So I write blogs. I stare at the ceiling. I try to meditate. I do nothing - so that I may be able to fall back asleep.

Lucky for me, I am not often forced to awaken early. Unless I have an appointment, there is no reason for me to really stress about trying to function on a significant lack of sleep. I've done that before. It doesn't turn out very well.

So even though I am frustrated with my body's avoidance of a restful sleep, I am also not often required to stress about it. It's just a matter of deciding whether or not I am going to physically get up and stay up for another 4 hours or so, or if I am going to try and get back to sleep within the hour.

We'll see what prevails: Exhaustion vs Restlessness.

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