The Lighter Side of: Insomnia

I don't even know why I cannot sleep.
I did not sleep well last night either and nearly fell asleep standing up this afternoon. I resisted the urge to nap, though, because I wanted to be able to sleep tonight.

As it stands, it is currently 5am and I have yet to sleep.
I am sure there are lots of reasons why my body is keeping me wide awake. The hives all over my face count for one reason. Recent changes in medication counts for another. Too many things on my mind is a clear reason. Maybe being over-stimulated while I was participating in art therapy today? Or maybe it's the bloating, the pelvic cramping, the swollen chest. Or maybe it's just from being hungry (I am trying to rein in my eating habits a bit... I have been baking a little too much lately and it is fairly visible).
I don't know.

Here is The Lighter Side of Insomnia:

I am super productive in the middle of the night!!
I used to be a night owl, so this is my time of the night. I had fun trying out some painting projects, I read through about 20 chapters of the new book I just picked up off of the shelf. I did some posting, I did some stretching, I am clearly writing a blog, I went through an updated list of priorities and projects. I also managed to go through some videos of music and schedule them to be posted over the coming months.
Today was productive! Tonight was especially so.
Thank goodness it is kicking me in full force over a long weekend and not the night before any important appointments.
Tomorrow I am planning on going and getting some Benadryl for these damn hives anyways, so I *should* manage to have a better sleep tomorrow night.

Happy weekend!!

Recuperation Time Frustration

Yesterday when my hubby and I had to go out and get a couple of things, I felt uncontrollably frustrated.
It felt as though I was on Prednisone and I could not kick this awful mood swing. I was annoyed, I was bubbling over, I was awfully irritated, and then I also burst into tears at random moments. Sounds like Prednisone right?
Here's the problem - it wasn't Prednisone.
Knowing this told me that there was a legitimate reason why I was so frustrated.

On Saturday I went for a paint day with one of my close friends. It was this amazing day full of chit chat and random painting projects and learning about painting. It was beautiful and lovely - but also very painful. It got so bad that I realized I was in absolutely no shape to drive home myself, so my husband ended up having to take a cab to get me and drive us home in the van I had driven to my friend's house. I know that it was the best decision, but that does not mean it wasn't a difficult decision. I felt not only angry with my body but embarrassed that it crashed so violently from a seemingly relaxing day.
So Sunday was pretty rough, which I expected.
Monday comes around and I feel like I am a bit better, so we decide to go out at the end of the day to get a few things with a gift card I have been itching to use. I had expected to use my cane, but I wound up requiring the wheelchair. That in itself is not too bad, but I also did not have the energy to really push myself either. So my hubby also needed to come with me into the store.

I realized that I was ultimately frustrated by the amount of time it takes my body to recuperate from something I don't think I should have had to recuperate from.

A dinner out, anything active, a Christmas party, trying to dance a bit, a procedure, the dentist - these are all really hard on me so I know to expect several days of fallout.
But sitting on a couch painting?
Apparently that is a new low.
Frankly it pisses me off a little bit.

With that said, now I know. Now I know what to expect. I know that I cannot drive myself - I will have to be dropped off and picked up. I know that I will need at least 3 days to recover. I know to take longer breaks and focus on smaller projects. I know that even though it doesn't seem like an active day, it is a drastically active day in the eyes of my own body. Most of all (and probably most devastating of all) is that it completely reiterates the fact that I did make the right decision in not working. (I will not get into how monumentally difficult that decision was).
It validates my concerns and my tendency for caution and reminds me that I need more help than I would like.

Thank goodness everyone around me has been so understanding. That kind of compassion does not go unnoticed. I am extremely lucky in my support system - so thank you!

Waking up STRESSED

Ever wake up feeling utterly stressed out?

It's like everything you have on a to-do list all-of-a-sudden becomes overwhelming. Then, even more frustrating than that, you wake up restless but super sick...

So there are 20 things I NEED to get done this week, but today I feel awful... but also restless. So I can't just lie in bed like I should because I have too much to do... but when I actually left the house to go get a few things done, I essentially turned around and went straight home because I could not physically accomplish anything. 

So I am too sick to go and do anything by myself - I definitely won't drive anymore today.
My handicap permit is in Rj's truck anyways.
I am too restless to just lie down and relax.
My to-do list is ever-growing instead of shrinking.
I need to do SOMETHING but I can't tackle anything on the list so I end up doing random things that don't really help except to reduce my restlessness. (Like continuously talking but not really saying anything, or walking in circles just to keep walking).

On top of all of that, we did manage to do our Costco trip (with the wheelchair of course) ... but they did not have a LOT of what we needed. So the trip itself was terribly exhausting and put me in a total funk today... because we'll need to do a second trip somewhere else that will ALSO be exhausting. And it all needs to get done this week...
So one trip turns into two and cuts into time that was supposed to be spent getting other things done....

Aaaahhhhhhhh

Frankly it feels like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed to the bombardment of my own thoughts and stressors and lists. So many lists.
So many lists.
Lists lists lists.

Time maybe for some breathing exercises and yoga and essential oils and anything that will help me relax... and put away my lists until I feel well enough to tackle them.